Jeremy Bamber: The Milk Tray Man
& The Tolleshunt Triathlon
Jeremy Bamber murdered his entire family, wearing a wetsuit, before cycling home in the dark on his mum’s bicycle, in a kind of twisted triathlon where he forgot to do the swimming part.
This has to be one of the more bizarre theories in the Bamber case. And there are many.
A theory initially established by Bamber’s Uncle, Robert Boutflour, (he who inherited the Bamber estate) perpetuated by journalist Bob Woffinden and then former DCI Mike Ainsley in the Sky documentary series.
Yes, you couldn’t make it up, but they all did and with a straight face.
Bob Woffinden in The Mail1 in 2011,
He would already have put on some kind of protective clothing, in all probability a wetsuit. To simulate a crazed attack he fired more bullets into the bodies of the twins. He then showered in his wetsuit and put clean clothes back on.
Carol Ann Lee from her “definitive” take on the case in her book, The Murders at Whitehouse Farm thinks he must have worn it on the bike,
The police seemed to think the idea of his wetsuit was not without merit, but it would have been extremely uncomfortable when cycling.
Here’s said police, DCI Mike Ainsley, interviewed in the Sky doc:
I’m given to understand he had a wetsuit which disappeared. Now if you’re going to spill a lot of blood, what better clothing to wear than a wetsuit?
That’s all I’ll say about that !
As someone who has owned more wetsuits than grown-up suits, I’d eat my neoprene hood if ANY of these three had ever worn a wetsuit in their lives.
If they had they would realise what a ludicrous scenario it is (Bamber’s wetsuit was a two piece suit, designed for for cold British waters - very cumbersome to move around in). They’re not comfortable at the best of times; in August, in a hot house with a burning AGA on in the kitchen during a murderous killing spree; with his heart rate through the roof ? I’m pretty sure he would have passed out with heatstroke.
Six months of meticulous planning went into this murder spree apparently? It’s not exactly an equipment list worthy of a meeting with ‘Q’ is it?
A .22 rifle rabbit gun (plus silencer)
A thick neoprene wetsuit
An old ladies bicycle
It’s more Mr. Bean than Mr. Bond.
But still at a press conference Essex Police’s very own Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus or rather Deputy Chief Constable Ron Stone explained it away,
We have a scene of the crime that was cunningly arranged because he was a cunning man.
A cunning man ? I guess Essex Police didn’t earn that “Clouseau Squad” moniker for nothing.2
But Jeremy (interviewed from prison), did you really wear a wetsuit?
You've got to remember I had a cape on, and a wetsuit.
But didn’t you worry about staining your dinner jacket underneath?
Well, I always used to dress like that.
Was it a windsurfing wetsuit?
No, it was, it was either 9mm or 11mm, uh, the neoprene. That I got from Lillywhite's as a deep sea, you know, as a diving suit. It was the bib and braces and then, an over the top, you know, one over the top as well. So you could either wear the bib and braces on its own.
Wow! I mean, that's like really thick, isn't it?
Yeah, it was a really thick one because it was, I took it to New Zealand. And the idea was that because the water's so cold down there in training when you go out in the water, that they suggested I wear a, you know, get this thick wetsuit. It was a really thick wetsuit.
Perfect for running around in the house in the summer ?
Perfect for cycling over the fields at night time.
But also, right, what happened to it? Because on the, Mindhouse doc , it's like, oh yeah, the wetsuit disappears. You know, nod, nod.
It, it was, so that would have been in my house my cottage in Goldhanger. Because I collected it from White House Farm.
Before we went to the weekend surfing. And then it was underneath the stairs in my, you know, storage at home.
I don't think they ever seized it.
They might have done, but I'd have to look in the records to see that.
I mean, genuinely, when you just break it down and think about it, you just think, honestly? Really? Did you really think like that?
And you just think it's beyond any sort of reason, really, I think.
But that's how it is.
The documentary Murders at White House Farm - Behind Mansion Walls show our very own Poundland Johnny English channeling full on John Wick mode in a Bond style wetsuit.
It’s on YouTube and worth a watch for the dramatic music and BAFTA quality acting.
In the next instalment - Jeremy Bamber in the inaugural moonlit, time-trial, record breaking, “Tour de Tolleshunt”.
You really couldn’t make any of this up!
But they did !
A CCRC committee is scheduled to make a decision on Jeremy’s appeal in March 2025.
Jeremy Bamber has spent 39 years in prison.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1387438/I-wrong-Jeremy-Bamber-says-crime-writer.html
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/past-crimes-the-bamber-files-2046383.html